I Was Okay

I never quite know how the holidays are going to hit me. And by never I mean not since I lost my mother in 2008. This year Mother's Day was especially hard. I expected Christmas to be too. I braced myself as the familiar carols began to play and you know what?

I was okay.

I went shopping and saw little old ladies with their caregivers. I saw children with their grandmothers. I went on Facebook and saw friends making plans to be with their mothers. I braced myself for an emotional onslaught and you know what?

I was okay.

There were no phone calls asking if their were "ears in the cornfield" so we could talk about the kids gifts. There was no one standing next to me singing slightly off key but with great enthusiasm at the Christmas Eve service. There was no one walking on my arm during the lighting of the candles. As the harpist played Away In The Manger I thought I'd be sad but you know what?

I was okay.

I was okay and then it happened. A friend posted about the imperfect perfectness of her brother-in-law's wrapping job. I made a comment about receiving presents wrapped by a blind woman. I got choked up. I miss the inside out wrapping paper and Braille labels. I miss my mother but you know what?

I am okay.