Wednesday, July 21, 2010

My Savior's Compassion

Good morning everyone. It's been quite a week here. My husband and daughter started culinary school last week and they're bonding while the relationship between Kellee and I just gets more strained. But I'm still supporting her in her schoolwork and one of the things she needed was a flashdrive. Well actually she needed it back. She'd put some video of my mom on it for me and I'd been unsuccessful in transferring the files. Monday it was time to try again. Success! Didn't do anything differently so why'd it work this time and not before. Simple, I needed to be reminded of the truth in one of the songs Mom played. It isn't an easy video to watch because she's all bundled up even though Lois' home isn't cold and she misplayed notes she's known forever. But still this ailing little woman of faith sings about her Savior, Who is full of compassion and sees all our tears. She sings about trusting in Jesus, no matter come what may. "And trusting in Jesus I will not dispair for I am His child and for me He does care." Thanks Mom, I needed that. I'm finding out parenthood is not for the faint of heart. It's darn tough! Okay so it's something I've known for a long time. If the same issues were in my marriage I'd call it a testing of the vows but what vows did I take as a parent? I did dedicate her as an infant, promising to raise her according to the Word. I think I failed. I did my best but somehow ended up with an agnostic teenager who lacks consideration for me. Just keep telling her you love her. Wait, those words sound familiar. It was a conversation I wasn't suppossed to hear. Mom didn't know there were "ears in the cornfield" when she was talking to the youth pastor's wife about me. I can assure you I was not rebellious or disrespectful but it was a rough time in my life. I'd lost my father and was given alot of responsibilities, including some my older brother had flaked on. Maybe Mom was worried I'd end up like Paul. I'm not sure but she started saying "I love you." all the time. Not that my mom was unloving, but it seemed unnatural. It was good advice though. I've always told my kids I love them even after the door slammed behind an, "I hate you!" The doors haven't slammed in a while--now it's the silent treatment. I'm not hearing "I love you too" these days and I don't expect to. That's not my responsibility. I am called to love. So I will. My last, "I love you" was at least followed by a pleasant "bye" before Kellee hung up the phone to go to class. In the silences I will trust in my Savior as, "He brings sweetest comfort to (this) sad aching heart. ... For I am His child and for me He does care. Yes, you (Kellee) are His child and for you He does care."

1 comment:

  1. how easily our children can fill our hearts and then break them. beautifully written Lisa. thank you for being so transparent. my daughter is not speaking to be still apparently. but, yes, i still love her.